How could I ask for more..?

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him” 1 Cor 2:9

The real question is not “am I called to go?” but “am I called to stay?”

Many people have asked me to start a blog. But I’d never quite considered the prospect of doing so. In addition, I have always been quite a private person and sharing my thoughts and experiences did not quite take my fancy. And yet I have now. Why the change? I believed that it was time to share my blessings and more importantly, remind myself of God’s goodness.

Never alone
The year ended with Mummy and Jo coming up to stay with me in bonnie Dundee. We then took a holiday in Italy and later London. On the first day of the Boxing Day sales, after lunch, we were all recharged to begin our shopping again. As I excitedly bounded into the shop, my phone dropped out of my bag. But I distinctly remember zipping my bag before leaving the restaurant. In that moment, I became frantic and realized my wallet was gone. I had been carrying a great deal of money as well. All along I had been so careful and had not seen this coming. Obviously. I had no mood to shop after that. I just kept wishing that I’d find my wallet back but I knew the chances of it were close to impossible. London was so huge plus with the added crowd of the Christmas sales, it seemed too much to hope for.
I returned to Dundee and spent the next few days in my flat, just thinking and watching television, waiting for my friends to return from their holidays. One day, Daddy called me to say that God told him that I would get my wallet back. I wanted to laugh it off because I was nearly on the other end of the UK, but I ‘d learnt better than to doubt, and what was more, I wanted my wallet back so badly, that I was willing to just hold out one last hope – even if it was a fool’s hope.
I returned to uni eventually and in less than a week on my return to Dundee, I received an email from a boys’ preparatory school in London. I was naturally surprised but it seems they had found my wallet! Praise God. I could not describe the happiness I felt. Within a week, my wallet was restored to me. The cards all intact even if every penny was gone. But I was so thankful. My parents remind me that I should also be thankful that I was just pick-pocketed and not confronted directly. The money can be replaced but a life cannot. Plus that person probably needed the money more than I did.

Streams in the desert
“… Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” 1 Samuel 3:9
Lent was coming – which was also the time of the 40-day fast. I’d done the 40-day fast before but never remember completing it, or remember anything that came out of it. It seemed more like a diet. But this year, I asked God to reveal to me something new everyday. I asked for new revelations and to walk more closely with him.
Each day was refreshing for me. In those 40 days, I received such an awakening in my Spirit and could hear him speak so clearly. I spent much time dwelling in his presence and never wanted to be out of it.
I’d also never been that much of a prayer person, but God taught me also the power of prayer, and how I should pray. He ignited in me such a passion to pray - one that I never had before. For the first time in my life, I knew the meaning of victorious prayer, prayer that could overcome anything. It was such a breakthrough for me, and I felt so alive.

Evidence of Love
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Cor 13:13
In May, I returned home to do my SSC in the hospital back home. When I was at the hospital, my supervisor introduced me to a patient under his care. He asked me to write her life story, her thoughts, her feelings and experiences. She was terminally ill and initially, I had no idea how to deal with the question of cancer. But in the days that I got to knew her, I discovered a woman who had the most formidable profession – she was a mother. And she brought up 9 children single-handedly. She had such a pure love for the Lord and I will always remember her sweet countenance. I also became friends with her family members, which was such a wonderful time for me as well. At the end of the 4 weeks, I compiled her story into a scrapbook and read it to her. With tears in her eyes, she thanked me and thanked God for her life. I will always remember that moment. Getting to know her made me remember every reason for why I wanted to become a doctor.
Even after my project, I would continue to visit her and it really made my day when she smiled as I entered the room. About 2 months after getting to know her, her dawn had finally come and she fell asleep in the arms of our Lord. She was such a beautiful person, so full of love. Each time I looked at her, it was as though Jesus was looking back at me, and I will always treasure her in my heart.

Stepping out
“… live a life worthy of the calling you have received.” Ephesians 4:1
This year, FMC embarked on a mission project – to send as many members on mission trips as possible. It reminded me of my desire to go on a mission trip.
For a long time I had wanted to go on a mission trip. As far as I can remember, I was about 16 years old. But things came up again and again and I never got the opportunity. This year I felt that God was telling me to go. For many nights, I could hear the words ‘Step out’ resound in my heart. This was the year to go, no more waiting, no more holding on, no more hesitating, it was now. Not now or never. It was NOW.
So finally I made my mind up to go. I didn’t know where t o go, when to go, who to go with. But one thing we know, God he does. And he just made all the arrangements for me.

Great expectations
“Keep not back,” Isaiah 43:6
It was fortunate for me that OM had such an opportunity for me to go alone, anytime I wanted. Part of me was afraid because I had never been on a mission trip but I felt at peace because I knew it was what God wanted. When I had my orientation, I was told not to expect much, especially since it was to be my first mission trip. But I couldn’t. From the day I planned to go, though my trip was going to be short, God told me to have great expectations. And those were the only two words which rang in my head the entire time. So I did. I expected great things from God. But even with the great expectations we have, we cannot limit God. Indeed his ways are higher than our ways and his thoughts higher than our thoughts. I had a wonderful time, and I met amazing people in my short time there. People who really lived every day and every breath for God. They were so warm and so friendly.
I was so sad to leave. I wished that I could have stayed on so much longer, but I knew that in my heart God would bring me back there again soon. As it says in the bible, “For where your treasure is, there your heart shall also be.” I found my treasure in the Golden Land.

Remembering You by Steven Curtis Chapman
I found You in the most unlikely way
But really it was You who found me
And I found myself in the gifts that You gave
You gave me so much and I
I wish You could staybut I'll, I'll wait for the day
And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I'll be remembering You
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing and
I'll be remembering You, I'll be remembering You

From the first moment when I heard Your name
Something in my heart came alive
You showed me love and no words could explain
A love with the power to
Open the door
To a world I was made for
And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I'll be remembering You

Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing and
I'll be remembering You, I'll be remembering You
The dark night, the hard fight
The long climb up the hill knowing the cost
The brave death, the last breath
The silence whispering all hope was lost
The thunder, the wonder
A power that brings the dead back to life
I wish You could stay
But I'll wait for the day
And though You've gone away
You come back and
And I watch as the cold winter melts into spring
And I'll be remembering You
Oh and I'll smell the flowers and hear the birds sing and
I'll be remembering You, I'll be remembering You
And I'll watch as the sun fills a sky that was dark
And I'll be remembering You
And I'll think of the way that You fill up my heart
And I'll be remembering You

Living Edens – Mongolia
“And God saw that it was good.” Genesis 1:10
After my short time in Yangon, I knew that I wanted to do missions. I wanted to live as a missionary long term not just go on short –term missions. But in the meantime, I continued my job at the hospital. A few weeks later, there was a medical mission trip going to Mongolia. I’d always wanted to go to Mongolia and even more so, on a medical mission trip. I didn’t think that there would be space for non-medical people so this was a great opportunity for me. I was wrong anyhow but that’s another story. Initially, I had trouble deciding whether to go. I’d just started work 2 weeks ago and returned from one trip. In my heart, I really wanted to go but needed to make sure it was what God wanted. That night, during my quiet time, God told me I needed to have a reckless faith. He reminded me that this was the time to ‘step out’. So I did.
I signed up for the trip less than a week before departure and met most of my teammates at the airport – Belinda, Siew Choe, Terence, Ben and Jonathan. I was filled with excitement but I must confess, a fair share of trepidation as well .
When I was there, we quickly made friends with many of them. It was so amazing to see people so on fire for God, and so hungry for his Word. They were so desperate to share the gospel with others; it was as though their lives depended on it. Somehow we forgot that that it really is the case. I looked at them and thought to myself, these were the kind of people John Wesley was talking about.
One day, we were on our way back from clinics, about 15 of us packed like sardines into a minivan. We were not far from the village when two policemen hailed a lift from us on the desolate road. There was barely any space, but they got in anyway. To my surprise, one of our friends took out a tract and started sharing the gospel with them. And in 5 minutes, he had finished telling them about Jesus. I was truly amazed at the passion he had in sharing the gospel. We often say that we don’t have the personality to be able to go up and share the gospel with someone, yet I find it is not the courage we lack, but the passion. If we were truly on fire for God, nothing would stop us from telling others the good news.
In Mongolia I also discovered my living Eden. The mountains with beautiful wild horses, the blue skies. Even the storms of lightning would take your breath away. And til now, I still dream of the beautiful stars – never in my life had I seen such a gorgeous sight. Then there was also the sunrise – I could scarcely describe the splendour of it. God’s creation is truly wonderful. As I looked around me, I imagined that it might have been what Eden might have looked like when God first created it – unspoiled by Man. For once, I experienced a touch of the true magnificence of our Lord and King.
Oh, not forgetting one other thing, I met the cutest little girl. She spoke as much English as much as I spoke Mongolian – essentially nothing. But we spent a few days in the garden blowing dandelions and playing on the see-saw. She even tried to teach me Mongolia n from the little chalk numbers and shapes drawn on the ground outside the kindergarten. We may not have spoken the same language, but it didn’t matter. Gestures and smiles were all we needed. It reminded me that love is the best language of all.

Falling in love
I saw the eyes of Jesus
In the starry skies above me
Passionately burning
I saw the blessings of Jesus
In the lightning storms
Unfathomable and unpredictable
I saw the promises of Jesus
In the rainbow across the sky
Unchanging through time
I saw the love of Jesus
In the rolling hills
Going on forever
I saw the smile of Jesus
In a little 8 year old
Only peace and only love
I saw my future in Jesus
In the eagles soaring above me
Reaching to the heavens
I saw the fire in Jesus
In the horses roaming free
Blazing across the land
All I have, I have in him
There is nothing to fear,
There is nothing to lose
For Heaven’s eternity
Now calls me home


Spiritual firepower
“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” Ephesians 6:18
My time in Mongolia was finally at an end. I went back to work for another 2 months and during that time, I felt that God was calling me back to Myanmar. I had hoped to stay at least 2 weeks there, but couldn’t get off work earlier, so my trip was shortened to 10 days. It made me wonder then if I should really go but eventually I decided God was calling me back. I didn’t know why but in the few weeks before going back, I felt the ravages of city life were beginning to take its toll on me. I spent much time trying to figure out what path my career should take and perhaps this was the perfect opportunity to take some time out and to be away from it all. Perhaps God had planned it as an escape for me.
I was so glad to see my friends again. I was happy to be away from the internet and the mobile phones. But as the days passed, I realized that I hadn’t come to find myself. My friends too were looking for direction and I realized that God brought me here to pray. My worries were nothing. He wanted me to pray for the people, for the land, for my friends.
Prayer is spiritual firepower that wages war in the invisible realm. God didn’t bring me away to have a rest and to find peace. He brought me there to wage war and to intercede for others. And the end of my ten days, it wasn’t any surprise that I was sad to leave, having made new friends and building old friendships. When I was there, I felt so at home. It was really like a second home to me, even though I had not been there long. Maybe someday soon I will return again – and for a longer period this time.

The hand of God
“You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.” Psalm 139:5
30 August – I was driving to TMFT to pick up my parents. I was happily driving on the expressway, trying to look out for the exit. The roads were slightly wet because it had just rained, but the sun was coming out again. As I continued driving, I realized I was about to miss the exit, so I made a sharp turn from the second lane toward the exit. At that very moment, the car skidded. In the space of seconds, I found myself veering to the left onto the green. In that moment of flurry, I tried to gain control of the car and turned the steering wheel to the right. Little did I know that it was the worst thing I could have done. The car then veered to the right into the metal railing and scraped the side of the car. I wanted to get out of the car and stop. But there was a huge tanker coming behind me and I knew I had to keep on driving. I was in so much shock. I could feel my hands and body cramp up, and I drove so slowly on the roads. All I could think of was where the turning was, and concentrated on getting to the car park. During that time, I was still in serious shock but it was as though I could feel something pressing on my chest. No, it wasn’t angina. It was a comforting feeling, and I remembered Psalm 139:5 “You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.”
I finally reached the car park, the car and me both in one piece. But when I was finally parked, I sat there for a while just crying. I don’t know why, but I just did. But I know that all along God had been watching over me, that his hand was upon me.

Lockdown
3 Sept – I finally arrived in Glasgow airport. I was excited to be seeing my friends again and had made arrangements to meet them at the bus station. However, my luggage never arrived and by the time I had made a claim, I’d missed my bus. Plus, this was the first time I’d put my laptop in my luggage as I thought the new security measures would not allow me to carry them on board (although they did).
I got the train back to Dundee but it being a Sunday, the shops closed at 5pm on the dot, which means I wouldn’t be able to buy clothes and all. I thought things couldn’t get any worse… but on the train back, I saw this beautiful rainbow, and for the first time, I saw a full rainbow, from one end to the other. And I knew in my heart that God was promising to take care of me – from beginning to end.
On Monday, I managed to dig up some of my stuff from my friend’s place, and arranged to meet up with my landlord to discuss my flat which wasn’t ready. To my dismay, the builders pulled out and it wasn’t delayed, it wasn’t going to happen! He hadn’t told me that and I was completely frazzled. I was beginning to feel quite like Job for the first time in my life - no house, no luggage, no family and 3 best friends who wanted to help but just couldn’t.
Thankfully, I rented a place from Charlotte until I found a place. In the meantime, I still didn’t know what was going to happen next.
On Tuesday, while on the bus home, I received a call that this guy had my luggage and would be round to deliver in the next hour! I was very surprised but so happy. The day after, I went to view a flat and really liked it. So I sent in my application for it.
It seemed like things were finally turning around.
In the 3 days during which I didn’t have my laptop, I told myself I’d copy my important things onto CDs so I would have them. But just 4 days of retrieving my laptop, it dropped on the floor and the hard drive was damaged. I’d lost everything.

Consumed
“… Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” Job 2:10
I began to question. I asked God what was next. Each time I trusted him more, the more he would give me trials to see if I could trust. I couldn’t see a reason for this. As I sat in silence with him that afternoon, the doubts cleared and he opened my eyes to see.
I’d said to a friend that I enjoyed being in Myanmar because with limited access to internet and no mobile phones, I could cut myself off from the stresses of this world. Although I found one thing difficult, to live in a city trying to run on technology but didn’t have the sufficient resources to sustain it. And God was trying to tell me I was wrong. He wanted to show me that even when I didn’t have all my files and documents, when everything was stripped away, things could still function. I didn’t need them. I wanted them and felt so uneasy without them, but God wanted to show me something greater.
In the first place, why am I fretting over computer files and my little problems when there are bigger things in the world? I think of my friends serving around the world, and I think of how in their service and ministry, they continuously fight this spiritual battle. And I should be joining them in this battle, instead of worrying about my little problems. I was so consumed by the wrong things. Now I knew why some of my friends became so tired after a few years in ministry, they’d been fighting this battle for so long, and instead of helping them, we were in our own world thinking of ourselves. We may be apart in distance, but I know that they can draw much strength from the prayers we say for them.

Just like heaven
Although I saw things in a different perspective, it didn’t change my circumstances. I still had a broken hard drive and no house to call my own. The one difference now was that I had faith to believe that God would turn things around. Somehow, someday. I didn’t know when. I was prepared for it to take a few months even. Perhaps it was wrong of me to limit God by my time but I was also getting desperate. I began searching for my flat once again. It seemed as though I’d never stop searching. From first year, all through second year, and now at the beginning of third year, it seemed that I was going to be a nomad forever! As I began my search, I started to wonder how long it would take to find a nice one, having been through the process so many times. But I fell in love with the first flat I saw, and within 4 weeks of coming back here, and that was only 2 weeks from the time I viewed it, I moved into my new flat. Things turned around so quickly. I’d always known God’s goodness but still he never ceased to amaze me the way he works. I don’t know why God has blessed me so much, for I will never understand the depth of his love; but I praise him for all he has done. I am glad to finally to have a place to call my home. No more searching, no more moving.

Left Behind
“Will Jesus come again and leave us slumbering where we lay?” –While you were sleeping
I’d always been a travel junkie. I wanted to see the world and I couldn’t find. Every holiday, I’d go into the travel agencies to pick up more travel catalogues to see where I could go. I wanted to go to big events like Christmas in the Vatican or Jerusalem, the Beijing 2008 Olympics, the Oktoberfest in Munich, the horse races in Siena. I’d always been the nut in the family who wanted to see the world with the world, to get trampled in the masses (as my family puts it)
I finally got to go to Germany and Austria. I saw my palaces, and I went on my Sound of Music tour, which I had been waiting to do for the longest time. I even saw the most beautiful snow-capped mountains and lakes outside Salzburg. But yet at the back of my mind, I could not keep out thoughts of my time in Yangon and Mongolia. Oh no, the sights I saw were definitely more than I had expected and I had such a wonderful time… but there was something wanting. God had changed something in me. Perhaps that train has finally left. And it’s left me behind. But I’m not sorry. It doesn’t matter anymore if I don’t get to see my castles, mountains, cathedrals. I know where I’m meant to be now. I’m waiting for Jesus to come again.

Grain of sand
“But who will go if we don’t? Not one. I would venture everything I have for Christ. Pity I have so little to give.” –David Livingstone
As the year ends, I look back at this year and it’s been the best year of my life, literally. This year has been my 21st birthday present from God and it’s been the best ever. And now I know that things can only get better.

I have seen how much I can do for the people around me, and what God has given me in order to bless others. At the same time, I have realized how little I can do on my own. I am nothing more than a grain of sand, but when I worked with my brothers and sisters to do God’s work, the blessings were tremendous.

Pity I have so little to give.

In Me by Casting Crowns

If you ask me to leap out of my boat on the crashing waves If you ask me to go preach to the lost world that Jesus saves

I’ll go but I cannot go alone cause I know I’m nothing on my own But the power of Christ in me makes me strong Makes me strong

Cause when I’m weak, you make me strong When I’m blind, you shine your light on me Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to know that You want me
So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Yourstrength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me
If You ask me to run
And carry Your light into foreign land
If You ask me to fight
Deliver Your people from Satan's hand
To reach out with Your hands
To learn through Your eyes
To love with the love of a Savior
To feel with Your heart
And to think with Your mind
I'd give my last breath for Your glory

“Now, who is willing to consecrate himself today to the Lord?” 1 Chronicles 29:5