just how far

“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103: 11, 12

Those who know me are always puzzled about how I’m always smiling. My aunt always asked me how come I could still smile although people were scolding me. I’ve been scolded in class for smiling before. Today, a patient asked why I kept smiling. I asked her, ‘Would you prefer I frown?’ And she laughed and said ‘No, a smile is good.’ I’ve even known myself to break out into a smile while walking down the street because I brought a happy thought in my mind that tickled me. That may look silly, but not half as silly as if I were burst into tears while walking down the street for no reason.

I did nearly though. While waiting at the bus stop the other day, I played the new Casting Crowns song ‘East to West’ and the lyrics were so heart-wrenching that it nearly broke my heart. Each time I heard the words ‘Cause you know just how far the east is from the west, from one scarred hand to another.’ I’ve never thought about it that way. Recently, I’ve received lots of messages reminding me about my coming back to the cross. Indeed, the cross is meant to be a reminder of my sin, and I need to pick up that cross. So often I leave it at home when I walk out the door in the morning.

Tomorrow is the start of the 40-day fast. Usually I’m filled with such a wave of emotion and excitement. Not this time though. It’s something different. There is a strange quiet and calm within my heart. It’s like the deep breath before the plunge, minus the plunge. I can’t quite describe it. I have to say it bothers me a little because such quiet usually equates to restlessness for me, but all I really fancy is just sitting here quiet in the presence of God. So I’ll just sit here and wait upon the Lord.

Jesus, can you show me just how far the east is from the west,
Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cause you know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

- East to West, Casting Crowns