waiting..

As I sit here in the quietness of the morning I begin to ponder the lesson God has planned for me this season. This past week I have had to face death much more intensely than ever before. It's going down faster than pins at a bowling alley and it frightens me.

I want to bring hope to the families I meet but all I can bring is the truth. The truth that their family member may not survive. It feels like I am taking away their light. Some believe in our God, some believe in their own, but it doesn't matter. I cannot give them the miracle they seek. I cannot give them the answer they hope to hear or the good news they wish I would speak.

I don't know why God allowed this to happen. I don't know why it may appear to them that God may have given them a second chance and then take it away. And no matter how you try, you will never find the words to comfort them because you cannot find comfort yourself.

They say it's darkest before the dawn. But I am still waiting for the dawn. The night has grown so long that it invades my thoughts and my dreams.

Waiting.