I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like thine can peace afford.
I need thee, O I need thee; every hour I need thee;
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.
I need thee every hour; stay thou nearby;
Temptations lose their power when thou art nigh.
I need thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.
I need thee every hour; teach me thy will;
And thy rich promises in me fulfill.
I need thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me thine indeed, thou blessed Son.
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
Thursday, 3 July 2008
Heaven's beautiful melody
These past few weeks I've been writing blog posts so often and I'm not sure if it's just because I've got more time to kill... As I sit here and think, I cannot help wonder what the reason is behind God sending me back to Palawan although I'll find out when I get there. I remember the exact same thing in my decision to go back to Myanmar a second time. All I know is, there is a reason I was meant to go back and it's not just my elective. I suppose it's got to do somewhat with the fact that I have a lot of maturing and training to do before I'm ready.
On a more personal level, I'm looking forward to the heartfelt conversations I used to have. While the internet has been great for helping me keep in touch, it's not the same. I think of the times in my life where I've had the best conversations, whether it's swinging in a hammock enjoying the sea breeze, curled in a corner drinking orange pekoe tea, lying in an open field watching the sunrise, eating ice cream in a cafe or sitting in the pews of St Andrew's and feeling the peace of God wash over me. But the places don't really matter, it's the people who make the difference. I still ask God why my soulmates are scattered far and wide across the world although I already know the answer. It's to help me feel the need of God, to turn to him and not to man when I need a pick-me-up.
Thinking of all the future mission plans I've made, I look forward to the day when I can honour those commitments. But until then, to all those I love, thanks for speaking my language...
We come together for a holy purpose
We come together for the highest cause
We speak one language from a heart of worship
Gathered to bring the song to the world
For your glory
With one voice we will sing
Every tribe and every tongue
Brings a harmony
With one voice we will bring
Heaven's beautiful melody
Down to this earth
As we sing to our king
With one voice
Oceans divide us but we sing together
Now what defines is our love of you
From every nation and across all borders
Gathered to bring the song to the world
-With One Voice, Steven Curtis Chapman
On a more personal level, I'm looking forward to the heartfelt conversations I used to have. While the internet has been great for helping me keep in touch, it's not the same. I think of the times in my life where I've had the best conversations, whether it's swinging in a hammock enjoying the sea breeze, curled in a corner drinking orange pekoe tea, lying in an open field watching the sunrise, eating ice cream in a cafe or sitting in the pews of St Andrew's and feeling the peace of God wash over me. But the places don't really matter, it's the people who make the difference. I still ask God why my soulmates are scattered far and wide across the world although I already know the answer. It's to help me feel the need of God, to turn to him and not to man when I need a pick-me-up.
Thinking of all the future mission plans I've made, I look forward to the day when I can honour those commitments. But until then, to all those I love, thanks for speaking my language...
We come together for a holy purpose
We come together for the highest cause
We speak one language from a heart of worship
Gathered to bring the song to the world
For your glory
With one voice we will sing
Every tribe and every tongue
Brings a harmony
With one voice we will bring
Heaven's beautiful melody
Down to this earth
As we sing to our king
With one voice
Oceans divide us but we sing together
Now what defines is our love of you
From every nation and across all borders
Gathered to bring the song to the world
-With One Voice, Steven Curtis Chapman
Friday, 27 June 2008
the sweetest thing
It's been somewhat of an anti-climactic end to the year... the last day has ended with me taking my obstetrics and gynaecology assessment with my eyes at half-mast. So sleep is the only thing on my mind right now. This morning when I woke up, I was still so tired that I felt like I couldn't put two and two together, let alone take a test, but one thing was still so clear in my mind.
My blog entries have always been about the beauty of God's creation, or God's grace. Yet while I marvel at the the blue sky, green grass and colourful flowers, I have never admired God's greatest creation as much: humanity. Yet this is another reason for why I wanted to do medicine... Communicating with people seemed to be easier than with animals and plants (for the most part). All too often I have seen the proud, arrogant, shameful side of humanity that it's hard to picture how God might have created man in his own image.
As I stood in the corner of the theatre, I watched this woman finally break down in tears from the pain and stress that this pregnancy had given her. Of course, the staff try to offer reassurance as always but it usually falls on deaf ears. Though her husband wanted to hold her hand, the lines and drips made things difficult. But then, as he sat beside her wiping the tears from her eyes, he then pressed the tissue to his eyes to wipe away his own tears. That, I think is the beauty of humanity.
It's easy to laugh with someone, and easy to give someone a hug or their hand a squeeze for comfort, but there is something amazing about being able to cry with someone. Perhaps seeing a man cry was probably something surprising in itself. The delivery of their baby wasn't perhaps a Kodak moment to me, but seeing these two parents-to-be battle together was. Indeed, I pray that we would never lose the precious gift of humanity.
My blog entries have always been about the beauty of God's creation, or God's grace. Yet while I marvel at the the blue sky, green grass and colourful flowers, I have never admired God's greatest creation as much: humanity. Yet this is another reason for why I wanted to do medicine... Communicating with people seemed to be easier than with animals and plants (for the most part). All too often I have seen the proud, arrogant, shameful side of humanity that it's hard to picture how God might have created man in his own image.
As I stood in the corner of the theatre, I watched this woman finally break down in tears from the pain and stress that this pregnancy had given her. Of course, the staff try to offer reassurance as always but it usually falls on deaf ears. Though her husband wanted to hold her hand, the lines and drips made things difficult. But then, as he sat beside her wiping the tears from her eyes, he then pressed the tissue to his eyes to wipe away his own tears. That, I think is the beauty of humanity.
It's easy to laugh with someone, and easy to give someone a hug or their hand a squeeze for comfort, but there is something amazing about being able to cry with someone. Perhaps seeing a man cry was probably something surprising in itself. The delivery of their baby wasn't perhaps a Kodak moment to me, but seeing these two parents-to-be battle together was. Indeed, I pray that we would never lose the precious gift of humanity.
Monday, 9 June 2008
RoSE
It seems like ages since my last entry but apparently not... Anyway, 4 more weeks to finals. While I am aching for medical school to be over, the thought of having taken my last exam more than a year ago does seem to be a frightening thought. But things are going better. By God's grace, I'm retaining things better than I ever could remember, which is a shock in itself... I'm trying to concentrate on revising, but every 5 minutes or less, my mind floats back to thoughts of being in the Philippines. While every day everywhere should be the same, when I'm there, every day is an adventure for God. I can have so much fun doing the things I do and it's made all the more precious because it's another way to give back to God.
But here I go again. Distracted. As David said in 2 Samuel 7:18 "Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" 18 years after taking my first steps with God, life is just beginning and I am still learning to crawl. I could sit forever and ponder the greatness of God and wonder why he loved me enough to give me this charge of doing his work. Today as I was running to get the bus home, the bus driver just rolled her eyes at me and drove off although I was standing in front of the bus. Didn't make my day but I just sat down and waited. Normally, I'd have blown a fuse but this time I just wasn't bothered. Oddly enough, halfway down the road, there was a whole group of people coming to board our bus, the next bus. The bus that I'd missed had had an accident. It had a collision with a little car, who didn't appear to have much of a bonnet left. I don't think anyone was seriously injured, but I know it was the grace of God that kept me safe and more importantly, made me realise how well God has guarded me.
At the start of 4th year, we are given a little book to collect signatures of all the procedures we've done and witnessed, also known as our Record of Clinical Experience. As I look back on what has happened today and since the first step I took out into the wilderness, it's been strewn with these little packages of grace which God has littered my path with. And this is my Record of Spiritual Experience, signed by our one and only loving heavenly Father.
"Jesus what can I give,
What can I bring?
To so faithful a friend
To so loving a king
Savior, what can be said
What can be sung
As a praise of your name
For the things you have done
Oh my words could not tell
Not even in part
Of the debt of love that is owed
By this thankful heart."
Indeed, what a debt of love I owe.
But here I go again. Distracted. As David said in 2 Samuel 7:18 "Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" 18 years after taking my first steps with God, life is just beginning and I am still learning to crawl. I could sit forever and ponder the greatness of God and wonder why he loved me enough to give me this charge of doing his work. Today as I was running to get the bus home, the bus driver just rolled her eyes at me and drove off although I was standing in front of the bus. Didn't make my day but I just sat down and waited. Normally, I'd have blown a fuse but this time I just wasn't bothered. Oddly enough, halfway down the road, there was a whole group of people coming to board our bus, the next bus. The bus that I'd missed had had an accident. It had a collision with a little car, who didn't appear to have much of a bonnet left. I don't think anyone was seriously injured, but I know it was the grace of God that kept me safe and more importantly, made me realise how well God has guarded me.
At the start of 4th year, we are given a little book to collect signatures of all the procedures we've done and witnessed, also known as our Record of Clinical Experience. As I look back on what has happened today and since the first step I took out into the wilderness, it's been strewn with these little packages of grace which God has littered my path with. And this is my Record of Spiritual Experience, signed by our one and only loving heavenly Father.
"Jesus what can I give,
What can I bring?
To so faithful a friend
To so loving a king
Savior, what can be said
What can be sung
As a praise of your name
For the things you have done
Oh my words could not tell
Not even in part
Of the debt of love that is owed
By this thankful heart."
Indeed, what a debt of love I owe.
Saturday, 24 May 2008
signature of grace
Now and then through my blog, I've always made mention of the exodus, a story that has made a great impact in my life. Admittedly, it was immortalised in my mind by Charlton Heston when I watched it at the age of 4 but the version in the Bible was the one imprinted in my heart.
It's been weeks since the cyclone hit and the release on aid restrictions have allowed many to breathe a sigh of relief. Yet as I listen to the news, it is not as black and white as it sounds. Doesn't this sound familiar? In Exodus 8:25, Pharoah tells Moses that the Israelites are now allowed to sacrifice to God but only in Egypt. In verse 28, he then says that they can go to the desert, but not very far. In Exodus 10:10, only the men are allowed to go. In verse 24, the women and children can go too, but the Israelites are to leave their flocks and herds. But finally in Exodus 12:31, the exodus begins. To me, the situation seems much alike.
What we see may be bargaining between earthly men, but it is a story wholly imprinted with the signature of God's grace. Those who share with me of their work tell me that things they bring give relief from hunger for the moment, but no hope for the dawn, much less the future. What then? I pray that someday these people will be able to claim the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 as their own.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
It's been weeks since the cyclone hit and the release on aid restrictions have allowed many to breathe a sigh of relief. Yet as I listen to the news, it is not as black and white as it sounds. Doesn't this sound familiar? In Exodus 8:25, Pharoah tells Moses that the Israelites are now allowed to sacrifice to God but only in Egypt. In verse 28, he then says that they can go to the desert, but not very far. In Exodus 10:10, only the men are allowed to go. In verse 24, the women and children can go too, but the Israelites are to leave their flocks and herds. But finally in Exodus 12:31, the exodus begins. To me, the situation seems much alike.
What we see may be bargaining between earthly men, but it is a story wholly imprinted with the signature of God's grace. Those who share with me of their work tell me that things they bring give relief from hunger for the moment, but no hope for the dawn, much less the future. What then? I pray that someday these people will be able to claim the promise of Jeremiah 29:11 as their own.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Saturday, 17 May 2008
not the dolphins
Not once have I ever written two blog entries so close to the other... But I had a little revelation just the other night, which feels like one of God's little pick-me-ups. It's not the way life is supposed to be really, but occasionally I do lose my balance and fall.
Doing marine biology has always one of my little ambitions. Even as a little girl, I remember arguing with my sister over who would get the 'narwhal' flik flak watch. Sea World was like a dream come true, and I could easily imagine myself spending all day with dolphins and my favourite, the white beluga. But anyway, I'm far from that dream now. Some dreams ARE meant to remain dreams.
And this is what God has shown me, I'm chasing another dream now. His dream. I have a friend who is a marine biologist now serving God and sometimes she tells me that she wishes she had done a degree which might have been more instrumental in her ministry. Just the other day, I read of this marine biologist turned ophthalmologist. This is it. God wanted me to serve man, not dolphins. It's not a lesser job, it's a different job. And sadly, it wasn't a job that I was meant to do. God made me with the abilities he wanted me to have and in my heart, I know I've found what I was created to do.
Sometimes the days are a struggle, other days they aren't at all. But every day is God-given. There's a beautiful song in Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame called 'God help the outcasts' and if my heart ever had a song to sing, this is it.
"God help the outcasts, hungry from birth
Show them the mercy they don't find on earth
God help my people, we look to you still
God help the outcasts for nobody will
... I ask for nothing I can get by
For I know so many less lucky than I
Please help my people - the poor and downtrod
I thought we all were the children of God
God help the outcasts, children of God"
Doing marine biology has always one of my little ambitions. Even as a little girl, I remember arguing with my sister over who would get the 'narwhal' flik flak watch. Sea World was like a dream come true, and I could easily imagine myself spending all day with dolphins and my favourite, the white beluga. But anyway, I'm far from that dream now. Some dreams ARE meant to remain dreams.
And this is what God has shown me, I'm chasing another dream now. His dream. I have a friend who is a marine biologist now serving God and sometimes she tells me that she wishes she had done a degree which might have been more instrumental in her ministry. Just the other day, I read of this marine biologist turned ophthalmologist. This is it. God wanted me to serve man, not dolphins. It's not a lesser job, it's a different job. And sadly, it wasn't a job that I was meant to do. God made me with the abilities he wanted me to have and in my heart, I know I've found what I was created to do.
Sometimes the days are a struggle, other days they aren't at all. But every day is God-given. There's a beautiful song in Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame called 'God help the outcasts' and if my heart ever had a song to sing, this is it.
"God help the outcasts, hungry from birth
Show them the mercy they don't find on earth
God help my people, we look to you still
God help the outcasts for nobody will
... I ask for nothing I can get by
For I know so many less lucky than I
Please help my people - the poor and downtrod
I thought we all were the children of God
God help the outcasts, children of God"
Thursday, 15 May 2008
...........
......... is really how I feel. I have not written a post in nearly 2 months because I've been too busy and all the activity has finally gotten to me. My energy waxes and wanes... I feel like the smoldering wick or bruised reed Jesus promises he will not break. Yes, that is my saving grace, my only hope.
This is the longest I've been away from home, and admittedly I don't feel homesick, but how nice it would be if I were home. That means exams are over as well. Indeed, God has been gracious to me and granted me success in all my endeavours thus far. I cannot be more grateful for what he has done, but everything is coming together just prior to my exams and I'm waiting for the last straw that will break this camel's back. Not far to go now. Everything that I read just seems to bounce off my impenetrable skull and I feel like my memory is an all-time low. My mind is always away with the fairies and I'm not sure if what I am writing now makes sense. I've even been forgetting things so often it's ridiculous. Finally, I'm feeling the pressure of exams, and I can't do much about it when my mind just won't absorb. At this poiint, I think I need an antipsychotic more than some of my patients.
The recent stirring in Myanmar hasn't helped. I thank God for sustaining my brothers and sisters, for keeping them safe. Though I know that he will always be there to uphold them, I cannot help but worry. I suppose it's what keeps me on my knees as well. Just as God chose to harden Pharoah's heart that his wonders might be displayed in the land, I know God will use this opportunity to show the people how much he loves them and to help them realise that he is the Lord.
As my river of thoughts runs dry, here I end........
This is the longest I've been away from home, and admittedly I don't feel homesick, but how nice it would be if I were home. That means exams are over as well. Indeed, God has been gracious to me and granted me success in all my endeavours thus far. I cannot be more grateful for what he has done, but everything is coming together just prior to my exams and I'm waiting for the last straw that will break this camel's back. Not far to go now. Everything that I read just seems to bounce off my impenetrable skull and I feel like my memory is an all-time low. My mind is always away with the fairies and I'm not sure if what I am writing now makes sense. I've even been forgetting things so often it's ridiculous. Finally, I'm feeling the pressure of exams, and I can't do much about it when my mind just won't absorb. At this poiint, I think I need an antipsychotic more than some of my patients.
The recent stirring in Myanmar hasn't helped. I thank God for sustaining my brothers and sisters, for keeping them safe. Though I know that he will always be there to uphold them, I cannot help but worry. I suppose it's what keeps me on my knees as well. Just as God chose to harden Pharoah's heart that his wonders might be displayed in the land, I know God will use this opportunity to show the people how much he loves them and to help them realise that he is the Lord.
As my river of thoughts runs dry, here I end........
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