14 July 2008
Once again, the madness begins. My flights have been cancelled or I'm not on them. 30 minutes before departure I find out I do have one and have to make a mad run for it. As I run toward the plane, I hear God whisper to me, 'My child, this is only the beginning.' I have to say I didn't quite know what he meant. I couldn't even begin to describe all that happened after I landed. I have always enjoyed travelling on my own for God has been my best companion; when we're alone, he knows and sees all my vulnerabilities and I can be so transparent Yet finally I begin to think it would be nice to have company. Good or bad I don't know. But being away from the field for a year has left me soft. I've been sleeping for too long in this land of luxury. God is pushing me again, this time to see how far love will take me. Steven Curtis Chapman's song plays in my mind, especially the lyrics, 'If I wanna say I love you, I gotta be faithful too; the true test of my love will be, did I follow you consistently? Through the good and the bad, I wanna be faithful too.' I ask myself if I've done enough to deserve to say 'I love you'. Perhaps 'deserve' isn't the right word, our sinful nature means there is nothing good we deserve. But has my heart been right that God would give me this privilege? I have no answer. I do not need to work to earn his love, it was given freely. But it seems God is still working so hard to earn our love, for we are so easily divided and distracted.
12 August 2008
"And if I perish, I perish." Esther 4:16
May God recall to life this reckless abandon I once knew. Overcome with sickness, I sit here and moan the minutes away as I feel the life drain out of me. But this Scripture from Esther is not me giving up on life. Indeed not, I'd be selfish to do that. But in January 2007, I testified that I would climb mountains for God if he sent me, to go wherever he laid before me. And as much as all his promises are 'Yes', so he will enable us to honour the promises we made him too.
"If I can sing, let my songs be full of his glory.
If I can speak, let all my words be full of his grace,
If I should live or die, let me be found pursuing this prize;
The one that alone satisfies, the treasure of Jesus."
