My thoughts are fading with each passing day and it's time for them to 'pen' them down into this entry before they are completely washed away. I meant to write this entry last Friday but never got a chance because of the numerous hours I spent at work the past week. But better late than never. This entry is important because it marks an important milestone for me, an answered prayer.
For many months, I've been praying for some direction in my life. Even though I probably wouldn't need to make any decisions for another year or so, the uncertainty has been difficult for me to handle. Last Friday, I accompanied a couple of my friends to the Singapore recruitment. Though I had never really considered going back, I knew that this would be the deciding factor. In fact, I was 90% sure that after attending this, the propaganda would get to me and I'd hop on the next flight home. I was even excited about going to this little meeting though I couldn't explain why. I thought within myself that it was time to say goodbye to Dundee and to this life I had known for the past 5 years. But I was wrong. The little meeting we had reminded me of who God wanted and still wants me to become. To reach beyond who I am in order to become who He wants me to be. The bottom line is, I can never become the person and doctor He wants me to be if I go home; and that is a dream that I will never ever give up.
As I sat on the train home that day, I allowed myself to dream again, to dream of all the possibilities and the 'what if's. Funnily enough, the next day, I heard this beautiful song called 'What if' sung by Kate Winslet, though only perhaps a portion of the lyrics are relevant..
"Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head
I keep on looking back
Right back to the start..."
There were so many times I asked myself 'what if' this and 'what if' that, but now that I have this peace in my heart, I no longer look back to the start. My future is right ahead of me and boldly I will tread, with the confidence of Christ within me.
