Ever get the feeling that you're not as resilient as you thought you were? Well, I did. I thought I could push on easily with my life as I always do and not let emotions get in the way. But all you need is one little crack in the wall for the dam to burst. Yesterday was my 22nd birthday and to be honest, I thought that it didn't really bother me anymore that I was all alone in Stirling, away from my friends. What's one birthday and really, you just have to get on with your life don't you?
I started the day in theatre and although it wasn't an eventful day, it wasn't bad. As long as I didn't try to remember that it was my birthday, things were fine. But the day before, I read my sister's blog and seeing pictures of my family in Disneyland without me made me miss them more, naturally compounded by the fact that I was all alone in Stirling. Then of course, by the afternoon, I'd got texts from people saying 'Happy Birthday'. I loved it of course but then it makes it harder to forget. With little persuasion, I bolted back to Dundee for the night and went for dinner with Janet. And I had such a great time because she put so much effort in trying to make me smile after that dismal day. When I returned home, I found letters in my mailbox from my family in the Philippines and tears just flooded my eyes. I was so touched by all the warm greetings I'd received from so far away.
Maybe a birthday is just a birthday after all, but it's the people that I have been blessed with that make it special. It's not about the parties, the cake or the presents, it's about having even just one person who would do anything to make you smile. Guess I'm not as much of a loner as I'd thought, but the love I have been given has built me up and I'm stronger than I was now.
Wednesday 12 December 2007
Saturday 1 December 2007
the ties that bind...
So I came to the conclusion quite a few months ago that the year 2007 had been such an amazing year that I was ready to start the next year. What I had realised was that the complacency of such a thought would be my downfall. God was bringing me through each day and I never quite realised the power of subconscious thought. I never realised that slowly the passion that I had had just a few months ago was but a glowing ember. I was fading out so slowly that I never quite knew it. I had taken the backseat just because the ride had been so excellent and at the back of my mind, I was going to kick in towards the end of the year and plan for 2008.
Then what comes of the few months in between? They obviously don’t go away and when it comes to a stage like this that we don’t realise, you lose precious time for God and with him as well. I guess the realisation came when all I wanted to do was go to bed at the end of a hectic day, instead of spending time meditating in God’s presence. For a few weeks, there had been things brewing in my mind that I just couldn’t put down, like projects, meetings and all the whatnots along the way. I needed a timeout and my time away in Stirling would probably give me that. Unfortunately, my first week was an absolute shambles and I was close to tears because of the atrocious week I’d had.
That weekend my friends and I were going to the Delirious concert and was probably the thing I needed to perk me up again. I enjoyed myself immensely but what I also was a singer just trying to communicate God’s message to the people, but what he had were crowds cheering and screaming for him while reading Isaiah 61. It made me think of Acts 14, when Paul and Barnabas were hailed as gods and although people heard them, they weren’t really listening. How easily the mind gets caught up in these delusions and we hardly notice it. We follow the messenger and not the one who sent it. After thousands of years, man is still man.
But that was what I needed to see, these fetters that have got us tied to this world. I needed to break these ties that bind. That’s why I had such a bad week, I relied so much on my own strength and I’d forgotten to call on the one person who did have the strength I needed. I’d asked God to give me a good day but then start out with trepidation. Obviously there was faith lacking there. Finally, when I got down on my knees and let go of everything, I could see God working. I had an amazing week in Stirling and things couldn’t have gone more smoothly with all the projects and everything I had to do.
To be honest, God makes me laugh with the way he’s done everything. I may not always understand it, but he really does have a great sense of humour.
Then what comes of the few months in between? They obviously don’t go away and when it comes to a stage like this that we don’t realise, you lose precious time for God and with him as well. I guess the realisation came when all I wanted to do was go to bed at the end of a hectic day, instead of spending time meditating in God’s presence. For a few weeks, there had been things brewing in my mind that I just couldn’t put down, like projects, meetings and all the whatnots along the way. I needed a timeout and my time away in Stirling would probably give me that. Unfortunately, my first week was an absolute shambles and I was close to tears because of the atrocious week I’d had.
That weekend my friends and I were going to the Delirious concert and was probably the thing I needed to perk me up again. I enjoyed myself immensely but what I also was a singer just trying to communicate God’s message to the people, but what he had were crowds cheering and screaming for him while reading Isaiah 61. It made me think of Acts 14, when Paul and Barnabas were hailed as gods and although people heard them, they weren’t really listening. How easily the mind gets caught up in these delusions and we hardly notice it. We follow the messenger and not the one who sent it. After thousands of years, man is still man.
But that was what I needed to see, these fetters that have got us tied to this world. I needed to break these ties that bind. That’s why I had such a bad week, I relied so much on my own strength and I’d forgotten to call on the one person who did have the strength I needed. I’d asked God to give me a good day but then start out with trepidation. Obviously there was faith lacking there. Finally, when I got down on my knees and let go of everything, I could see God working. I had an amazing week in Stirling and things couldn’t have gone more smoothly with all the projects and everything I had to do.
To be honest, God makes me laugh with the way he’s done everything. I may not always understand it, but he really does have a great sense of humour.
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