one step forward, two steps back

I've technically been in Singapore for one and a half months now but I've not spent more than a total of two weeks in the country. It feels a little like I've been making up for lost time, going on as many mission trips as I can. One reason was just because my time would be limited once I started work but more importantly, I needed to get back to who I was and to reawaken the sleeping giant within me.

I've been round the Philippines as usual and it was so refreshing to be around people who had such a fire to serve the Lord. To be with the people who could understand your heart without you explaining or knew what you wanted to say before you spoke it.

But I knew that this year would bring more than just the need for me to retrace my steps. Oh no much more than that. This year was different from all the others because when I stepped out into the mission field, I was now trained as a doctor, no more a medical student. Two years ago, I felt so ready to go and now that I have been out into the field, I feel like I have taken a step back and become so unprepared. But in the last two weeks, I have experienced such a fulness of God's grace and mercy, and though at times, I am still unsure of the difference I have made, I realise that at the end of the day, we aren't the difference. He is. He is the only difference that matters in this world.

Lord, thank you for showing me how small I am in this world and how important it is to be small.

"I seek the Giver not the gift."