After 3 weeks of gallivanting around the UK, I feel it's time to write a more serious blog post. Mostly because I need to rather than want to.
Have you ever felt like your world is collapsing? Like the walls are crumbling around you? I don't get that feeling very often. But I did yesterday. Ever since I graduated, my family have been keen for me to return to Singapore but I've always resisted it. Not because I didn't want to go home, but because I always felt that being in the UK would give me the best platform towards becoming a full-time missionary.
I've built a life for myself here, one that I love. Last week I was ready to buy a house here and following on from that, get a new car. But since I started work, my feet have been giving me awful bother and I now have to take time off from work to get them operated on. I thought that things would be alright and I wouldn't need to take too much time off from work to recover but things haven't gone the way I planned, as most things don't for everyone.
The bottom line was that if I didn't manage to come back quickly enough to work, it would be curtains for my career here in the UK. At that moment, I felt like my world was caving in. I stood outside the office frantically trying to wipe the tears away. What was wrong with going home? I don't know, nothing really. I just don't feel it's right. But all things work for the good of those who love him, who have been called ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. What is God's purpose? I don't know. I wish I did.
It just seems a bit too much thinking about moving back home in the next 12 months or less than that even. On the other hand, whether Singapore or UK, it's only a matter of time before we find our true home. If that's the case, does it matter?
I don't know. I really don't know. Lord tune my heart to hear your voice.
