Life to me has always been about one goal.. serving the underserved. But one verse I know so well these many years is Proverbs 16:9 - ‘A man’s heart plans his way, but the LORD determines his steps.’ True indeed. And as it would seem, the path he chose for me has been vastly different from the one I would have chosen for myself. ‘Martyr’ was the word that always resonated with me, from the days I first read the book ‘Jesus Freak’ by DC Talk. But God heard differently and just that like ‘martyr’ became ‘mother’. Another noble ambition and now that I have lived it for nearly four months, it is a road that is no less easy and definitely much longer.
I would never have thought myself to write a post about this but in my own desperation I found that I was pouring through blog after blog, forum after forum, to find something encouraging. From the day she was born, I struggled with low milk supply.
Before I delivered, it seemed all a myth to me. That’s what I had read at least - every mother is capable of producing milk for her baby. That was the first myth I led myself to believe and the days that followed seemed to be a constant downward spiral. The first few days were full of anticipation. Milk comes in day 3-5, they said. I waited and waited and there was nary enough. In anticipation of problems, I made an appointment with the lactation consultant, which turned out to be a traumatising experience for both of us. She constantly pushed her head so forcefully to my breast that my little one just kept fighting and refused to latch. Then she said to my husband and I, ‘She’s not going to latch, I think you need to go and buy formula.’ Where were we to go? We didn’t have any bottles ready and the pharmacy didn’t sell any formula. Frustrated with her, I said, ‘No she will.’ I calmly took her back, soothed her and allowed her to latch. That was the first and last time I was going to see that woman.
Back home, the tears continued. After latching, she would constantly cry in hunger. Thank God for formula. We spent the first few feeds syringing those few mls into her mouth and she would gulp in air with each breath. Each feed was a painstaking hour.
Eventually, we decided that the bottle was the way to go. ‘Don’t introduce the bottle before the first month’, they said - or the baby will get nipple confusion. The first bottle she took, she gulped it all within minutes and this tremendous feeling of guilt overcame me. I had been starving her these few days. As I pumped, I got out a measly 30ml. No wonder she was hungry. I scoured the internet again. Power pumping. That sounded like the miracle I was looking for.
By this time, I was starting to gain weight with all the extra food my family prepared for me. Calories are what you need to produce milk, they said. In addition to the mountains of supplements - Legendairy milk, Motherlove special blend, domperidone. I tried them all. I power pumped twice a day for two months and got myself up to 50-70ml every 3 hours. Still disappointing. I even decided to try a TCM spa that promised to help with low milk supply. After spending thousands, I learnt that I had blocked milk ducts and although the massages helped, relief was often only a few days before I had to go for more.
As the days went by, I was more and more convinced she had a tongue tie. Around 2 months of age, she got it fixed. I figured that will probably fix her latch. But it didn’t.
I finally decided a last ditch attempt to try another lactation consultant who was recommended to me by a friend. I found out that her tongue coordination was absolutely the pits, which is why she still couldn’t latch. She recommended I see an osteopath and start taking all sorts of supplements again, lactation cookies, etc. By this time, I wasn’t keen but since I had come this far, what did I have to lose. I stuffed myself with malt beverages, lactation cookies and muffins. Other than my weight, not much else seemed to increase. I took the supplements she recommended religiously. Perhaps there was a modest increase of about 10-20ml over a 24-hour period, but it lead to my little one screaming in pain from gas every feed. So that had to stop too.
I visited the osteopath who taught us suck training exercises. Two weeks later, we will still practicing the exercises with some little improvement. Whenever I tried to latch, she would just bite down and pull, leading to a very sore mummy. I had to stop, or I wouldn’t even be able to pump any milk for her. Another week later, she suddenly started refusing the bottle on night feeds, making me even more distressed. So I tried latching her again. Suddenly, everything was alright. She was able to nurse properly! What a feeling of achievement for both of us. I went back to sleep and so did she. No more tears in the night and she slept happily for another 4 hours. What’s better still, I don’t have the problems of blocked ducts anymore.
While she is still too distracted to nurse much in the day, her ability to nurse at night has given me renewed energy into trying to increase my supply again. Supplements, cookies, more pumps. It seems never ending and I am not sure how I could have gotten here faster. I still don’t have enough to meet her needs, but it’s ok. What is important is that now we enjoy the times we have.
Having tried it all, if there’s one thing I have learnt, if you have low milk supply, spend your energy into getting a good latch and get a good lactation consultant.
I would never have thought myself to write a post about this but in my own desperation I found that I was pouring through blog after blog, forum after forum, to find something encouraging. From the day she was born, I struggled with low milk supply.
Before I delivered, it seemed all a myth to me. That’s what I had read at least - every mother is capable of producing milk for her baby. That was the first myth I led myself to believe and the days that followed seemed to be a constant downward spiral. The first few days were full of anticipation. Milk comes in day 3-5, they said. I waited and waited and there was nary enough. In anticipation of problems, I made an appointment with the lactation consultant, which turned out to be a traumatising experience for both of us. She constantly pushed her head so forcefully to my breast that my little one just kept fighting and refused to latch. Then she said to my husband and I, ‘She’s not going to latch, I think you need to go and buy formula.’ Where were we to go? We didn’t have any bottles ready and the pharmacy didn’t sell any formula. Frustrated with her, I said, ‘No she will.’ I calmly took her back, soothed her and allowed her to latch. That was the first and last time I was going to see that woman.
Back home, the tears continued. After latching, she would constantly cry in hunger. Thank God for formula. We spent the first few feeds syringing those few mls into her mouth and she would gulp in air with each breath. Each feed was a painstaking hour.
Eventually, we decided that the bottle was the way to go. ‘Don’t introduce the bottle before the first month’, they said - or the baby will get nipple confusion. The first bottle she took, she gulped it all within minutes and this tremendous feeling of guilt overcame me. I had been starving her these few days. As I pumped, I got out a measly 30ml. No wonder she was hungry. I scoured the internet again. Power pumping. That sounded like the miracle I was looking for.
By this time, I was starting to gain weight with all the extra food my family prepared for me. Calories are what you need to produce milk, they said. In addition to the mountains of supplements - Legendairy milk, Motherlove special blend, domperidone. I tried them all. I power pumped twice a day for two months and got myself up to 50-70ml every 3 hours. Still disappointing. I even decided to try a TCM spa that promised to help with low milk supply. After spending thousands, I learnt that I had blocked milk ducts and although the massages helped, relief was often only a few days before I had to go for more.
As the days went by, I was more and more convinced she had a tongue tie. Around 2 months of age, she got it fixed. I figured that will probably fix her latch. But it didn’t.
I finally decided a last ditch attempt to try another lactation consultant who was recommended to me by a friend. I found out that her tongue coordination was absolutely the pits, which is why she still couldn’t latch. She recommended I see an osteopath and start taking all sorts of supplements again, lactation cookies, etc. By this time, I wasn’t keen but since I had come this far, what did I have to lose. I stuffed myself with malt beverages, lactation cookies and muffins. Other than my weight, not much else seemed to increase. I took the supplements she recommended religiously. Perhaps there was a modest increase of about 10-20ml over a 24-hour period, but it lead to my little one screaming in pain from gas every feed. So that had to stop too.
I visited the osteopath who taught us suck training exercises. Two weeks later, we will still practicing the exercises with some little improvement. Whenever I tried to latch, she would just bite down and pull, leading to a very sore mummy. I had to stop, or I wouldn’t even be able to pump any milk for her. Another week later, she suddenly started refusing the bottle on night feeds, making me even more distressed. So I tried latching her again. Suddenly, everything was alright. She was able to nurse properly! What a feeling of achievement for both of us. I went back to sleep and so did she. No more tears in the night and she slept happily for another 4 hours. What’s better still, I don’t have the problems of blocked ducts anymore.
While she is still too distracted to nurse much in the day, her ability to nurse at night has given me renewed energy into trying to increase my supply again. Supplements, cookies, more pumps. It seems never ending and I am not sure how I could have gotten here faster. I still don’t have enough to meet her needs, but it’s ok. What is important is that now we enjoy the times we have.
Having tried it all, if there’s one thing I have learnt, if you have low milk supply, spend your energy into getting a good latch and get a good lactation consultant.
