If I walk away

I have loved being back here in Dundee and especially back doing ophthalmology again. So much so, that it's brought alot of doubt about going back home. I have no choice now that everything is set in motion and once I leave, there will be no way to come back. It pains me to give it up but there is just no choice. I have always loved ophthalmology and love it still. I think I always will but I try and remember that I gave it up for a higher purpose, to fulfil my calling. In my heart, I still hold on to the dream that maybe when I am finished with my training, I will get a chance to go back to ophthalmology. It seems a waste that all I've worked for these few years were for nothing. I'm still trying to understand the path that God has charted for me. It seemed so clear a few months ago and I just needed to walk along that path, but it's as though the snow has come and covered the path ahead of me and I can't see where I'm going.

It feels like I want to be an ophthalmologist more than I want to work in the WHO. But does that mean I'm choosing my dream over God's? Maybe. It was him who planted the desire in my heart in the first place.

I can only hope and pray that I am not walking out of God's will and purpose for my life. But if I walk away Lord, please follow me.

Lately, I've been the quiet one

Waiting, searching the lines

Of the songs you played for me.

Sailing into the misty air,

Fading, bound for I don't know where,

When I'm there, I'll see.

And if I walk away,

Please follow me.

If I walk away,

Please follow me.

Weightless, drifting through stars

I got faithless,

Woke in the dark and

I made this from my dream

Play me all your sweet rhymes

Recreate me, now comes the time

When I'll need your truth to see.

And if I walk away,

Please follow me.

If I walk away,

Please follow me.

Walk away,

Let the fear fall away,

Into the fire you made,

Scarlet and gold.

Walk away,

Head for the light of day,

Follow a brighter way,

Out of the cold and dark,

Down to the one bright spark,

Futures that all might start,

Someday.

So if I walk away,

Please follow me,

If I walk away,

Please follow me.

Fragments, shells of a long ago lifetime,

Faces that once were mine,

Thrown down by the sea.

- If I walk away, Josh Groban